Reminisce of The First Love

Attending my friend wedding in Seremban, just back from rushing thru rainy Gombak and an accident near R&R Temerloh. stuck for both occasions for more than 2 hours.

Attending my friend wedding reminds me of my first love and failed relationship that followed through after that.

I truly fell in love with this quite pious girl after few crushes to other girl during secondary school. she was cheeky yet humble and carry herself with grace. she was not the most beautiful thing i ever saw but she was a friendly persona.

I on the other hand was anti-social, no confidence, overweight and overly caring. well, i'm kinda a late bloomer so to speak.

The relationship wasn't as what i experienced after that. we never date, we never holding hand (still never holding hand) and never really talk to each other due to my nervousness to talk to her (still have darah gemuruh to talk to any woman even now). But weirdly, the relationship remains intact for quite a while. after one incident, i just gone quietly from her life. rather cruel but confrontation wasn't my strong point then.

From what i could conclude, i should change myself to be more likeable. I begin to mix around a little, having more courage to talk to other people, and still overweight. however, as i went further in few relationship afterward, i realize that i become more social, more courageous, still overweight but i'm losing my faith in women.

I used to be the kind who deeply cared about others to a point whereby i couldn't sleep thinking about other people problem. friends and loved one. right now, I could tell loved one that i trust her but i dunno whether i really trust her or i don't bother to worry bout her. i said to her the first but in my mind thinking about the later.

After the first love, i realize that honesty just don't paid off. Telling what you honestly feel don't work too well with people. Hence now, i lie a lot. when i said alot, i mean alot. not big stuff or life changing stuff but yeah, things could be worse with my honesty on the line.

Also, i realize that i no longer could fall in love as I want to be. I think when i couldn't worry about others (hence care bout them) and couldn't be honest as i wish, it's hard to really love someone after half-dozen failure in my list. Through every failure, i learn that it's not worth it to spend all your heart to one source. Though with each failure, pieces of my heart never gone back. Taken away from me by those failed love.

I been on love hiatus for a while, thinking bout what happen to me and love?

I think i already figure it out. And it wasn't a pleasant answer for somebody.

I just couldn't bother to love anyone. Did i try to change? Yes i did but i'm high sedated by love failure. I'm a highly sensitive person though i might not look like one. Right now, those sensitivity just didn't work anymore. I just couldn't be bother.

Sorry.

Angels & Demons

Frankly, go to hell this movie. Fucking dissapointed sial aku tengok cerita ni. For those who read the book, this movie totally a let down. I couldn't help the fact that they make The Da Vinci Code adaptation so well (despite few scene and character change) which mimicking the book quite well though not 100%.

Spoiler alert!

Why I am mad with Angels & Demons movie:

1) No Maximillan Kohler. Nevermind since his character which contribute to advancement of the plot replace by head of Swiss Guard. Though the Kohler character makes the suspicion over his character that intend to destroy the church eliminate possibilities of audience to suspect the carmerlengo as the culprit.

2) No relation between the dead pope with his carmerlengo. This is the most raging point which make me cursing all around. The deletion of this part sees the relation of carmerlengo and the pope as maternal parent-children which brought up bittersweet ending make the carmerlengo motive totally disconnected and lame. In The Da Vinci Code, Robert Langdon choose not to reveal the heir of Jesus Christ though he knows who she is which leads to bittersweet ending as it supposed to be the character of the story.

3) No big, moving speech in front of TV upon breach of conclave. This is another turning point in the movie which create more red herring for the carmerlengo character which totally make audience suprised with the ending revelation. Not to mention, the carmerlengo eventually being elected by College of Cardinal as pope during his heroic act saving the church.

4) No Illuminati Diamond which comprise of 4 Illuminati elements in one print. This is totally absurd! I totally dissapointed cause i really want to see the print make into live stamp. The art value just gone for 30%.

5) The Selector supposed to be selected as the pope instead of one preferti saved by Langdon. More drama as all preferti killed and no one could be the pope except forcing the Selector to resign his post and be selected for the post. another 3 points deduction for dramatic value!

Gah...i'm pissed really. Go to hell, Angels & Demons.

The running gag

Off we gone to watching firefly (kelip-kelip@kunang-kunang) at Yak Yah River, near Ibok. The tourist guide had been talking lots with regards of firefly that we watched which went to become a running gag that nite:

Tourist Guide (TG): Firefly only could live for 10 days. They have enzime bla bla bla.......
A: Hrmm....i know what kind of profession most profitable for firefly?
B: What?
A: Funeral services.
B, C & D: Hahahahahahaha.
After that, C then intervene.
C: But again, it must tiring to cry over death since lots of them going to die quickly.
A: Hahaha. yeah, must be damn tiring if you have every seconds got another firefly dead.

Who said death ain't funny?

Details of the activity could be read here: Of Kelip-kelip & Penyu Bertelur.