my decision

hrm...aku masih lagi berbelah bagi nak blah dr sini ke tidak? runsing siot...aku tatau nak wat camner lg. duit tgh kering nak mampus ni...aku pun dah segan giler nak pinjam dgn budak-budak ni lagi. aku kena bagitau mr heli arini jgk. dan esok aku nak mintak cuti utk selesaikan semer masalah aku. even aku tau takkan selesai dlm satu hari jer tp i must try to finish it up. aku makin jd tensen akhir-akhir ni, semer nya berkisar psl mende yang sama iaitu DUIT. bila la scholar nak masuk ni? aku dah tensen tunggu. duit rumah kena bayar lg rm 60 +,pastu duit gi kija lagi, duit nak makan lg dan sebagainya.
argh...makin menjadi2 sakit kepala aku akhir-akhir ni. kalau lah aku tahu, aku ambik intel jer. tp aku sorang jgk. duduk dgn sani maybe wat aku jd lebih sakit kepala. itu lah andaian aku. apapun arini aku kena bgtau sv aku, mr hayat dan mr heli psl masalah aku ni. AKU DAH TAK TAHAN LAGI. aku pun dah kurang ceria akhir-akhir ni. dah kurang lawak bodoh yang aku wat. argh...aku takmo jd manusia serius giler camni. sakit kepala hotak aku jer jadik manusia serius.
aku mahu jadi manusia yang aku pernah jadi dulu. sentiasa boleh bergelak ketawa even tgh susah hati nak mampus.agaknya betul lah kata orang, duit ni boleh wat orang jadik macam2, more than everything in material asset can do. kereta pun takleh wat orang jd camni. maybe lah, entahlah, aku pun taktau sgt. but for the moment right now, that's how i feel.
solution for this probs, hahaha...even aku pun tatau camner nak solvekan nyer. ikutkan hati aku mau jer aku tukar company but then, it's about promise. aku dah enroll kat sini. i think through negotiation everything can be done and solve. i think so, even i know it's not that easy.
now i need sometimes for myself. need to finishing something stuck in my mind. this thing really make me stuck.
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this decision is the toughest. i dunno how to decide. why live being so suck with me? i may make lots of ppl mad at me for the sake of myself. i also dunno. is it the best for me? or just me feel it is the best? now i'm really blank and nothing on this world can help me to solve it. it's just between me and myself. ahh...if this condition and depression continue, i may been insane. oh god..what can i do? tell me pls. i need you now. help me pls. i know that i'm is not a good servant but pls help me to get through this. maybe i'm such hopeless man that even god can't help me. why this happen to me? why me? maybe it's just one of HIS toughest test. help me pls...help me to get through this.