She said, "you'll winding up alone."
I guess, the more i watching House MD, the more resemblance or similarity i get caught up with House. Having frown face, barely knew new people, cold hearted, socially flushed away. I barely spending my time knowing new people, or let people know bout me, i'm self-centred, enjoying things i love doing, hanging out with same old fren, i guess i pretty much winding up alone like House.
I dunno why i'm being like this. i guess i don't have much belief in human being. for people i rarely know, for people i just get used to, i pretty much keeping myself from them. i'm afraid by saying out loud to people i barely know, they'll get offended. i can say clearly that most of my thought against normal people thought.
sometimes, i feel sorry for myself. sorry for being too self-centred, sorry for being pushing others away from my life. some people who trying to get into my circle of trust finding it's not that easy for me to reveal myself. i always get them confused, leaving them without any clue. i make my move based on my instinct. i do what i want to do, rarely thinking bout others outside my circle. i realize it's bad for me, bad for my future, bad for the relationship i really craving for, bad for my current relationship with frenz and family but i couldn't figured out how should i put myself.
i pretty much hate people as much as i hate myself.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
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3 comments:
apology accepted...i'm sorry too
thanks. i'm afraid i'll hurting you again. i know it's bad side of me, but sometimes my head just don't get it right. after few moment of enlightment, then i realize how bad my behaviour. i'm afraid if i did hurting you again, we'll be forever apart from each other.
i'm such a bitch...and i knew that.
and for all people i ever hurted, sorry. i know sorry won't make it, but that's the best i could say. yet, that's the only thing i can do cause again in future, i might do it again. and i'm really sorry for that.
i wish i could change the bad thought of me, the bad side of me but the harder i try, the deeper i sink. god, grant me some strength. but if you wish me to be winding up alone, then please let me die early. i don't to grow old and feel envy of others. the longer i wait, much pain gained.
i used to be so pessimistic. always think the negative sides of everything. but that was me then.
and as i grow up (not that im too old now..) i learn to listen what people gotta say about themselves. with that, i make friends much easier. and it pushes away the negative thoughts too.
but of course, practice makes perfect..
hope it will help a lil bit.. ^_^
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