What is love for?

I remember watching few doramas and movies back in university days. You see, i'm truly love japanese dorama as i already been hooked up with JDo since i was in secondary school. My first JDo would be GTO - Great Teacher Onizuka. GTO really touching my emotion and as a man who freaking stubborn, i do have my *sob* moment when i watch GTO.

Growing up watching JDo, the anticipation for more JDo grew rather tremendous as i got my own PC. even when i'm not getting my own PC, i would patiently waiting in front of TV during weekend (during high school) to watch my favorite JDo. I even pick a fight with my schoolmate when they tried to annoy us, the JDo lover.

Along the way watching JDo, i realize JDo really put me in emotional state. Whether it's a happy JDo, a sad JDo, a hopeless JDo, i would cruise along with the feeling of main role. the effect so great, i could barely forget about my favorite JDo and how they make me feel.

After i got myself into messy thing called love, JDo become a powerful emotional treatment for me. Truly, when i watch Densha Otoko (the Train Man), i feel what Densha feels. i know it feel to be hopeless, crying over the one you love yet showing a strong face in front of others. More and more hopeless romantic, sappy love dorama filling my harddisk and i can't get my eyes from it. i'm feeling so invincible after watching JDo cause i feel like i'm being doped. the feeling JDo give me so real, i could live with just that feeling. I could crave for more, keep feeding my emotion.

When i think of it, i'm such a hard face. I rarely shows how i truly feel cause i think the world couldn't handle it. i rather an emotional man. but i appear cool. i appear strong. i appear emotionless. i'm sick, i know that. and while watching JDo, all those feeling breaking out. all those sadness, hopelessness, emotions which i rather not let people know outbreak within me.

and sometimes i wonder, whether i do TRULY feel like i want to be loved or is it just i need the dope of feeling and emotion to be filled by something else beside JDo? i kinda getting tired of this question. Sometimes, i said things i never intend to say, not the one hurt your feeling but the one who will make you flattered. sometimes i do mean it, sometimes i don't. and even i, myself couldn't define when the feeling is real and when the feeling is fake. sometimes, i feel nothing. i say it cause it's proper and it's something you should say in certain situation. to be fitting with environment, to not be isolated.

and love, is something i dunno what for. i live by purpose. for something i couldn't see where it could bring me to, i rather not go into it. sometimes i feel that i just fall in love because everybody does that. everybody do fall in love, so i think i need one. even if i dunno what the purpose of it.

btw, what is love for?