Solitude and Maturity

Solitude; a state of social isolation.

It's the 20 minutes most interesting life conversation I had this year. A friend asking me, what does it means to get married?

I'm not married, how should I know? I give my best answer; it's to understand someone until you feel like pouring your heart out eventhough you're not talking, to be siblings, parent and friends in one form. It's fascinating how we could just say things honestly to siblings which could hurt them and still love them. It's a miraculous kind of relationship cause you know siblings always there for you, always support you, no matter how harsh things could be between you.

People said that friends are siblings that GOD forgot to give us. I totally disagree with that statement. Friends could just run away from you cause for all he/she cares, you broke their heart, you don't deserve to be my friend.

Siblings relationship is also like parent-children relationship whereby you could hate your parent but still love them. How could this happened?

I think because we know those siblings and parent are the only one we have, we couldn't afford to lose them. Because we couldn't replace them because we don't want them, we just get them. So no matter how screwed up we're or they're, we will always try to work it out. Some will giving up, no doubt bout that but most of us just don't. Because the merit of the relationship is we just couldn't find any suitable replacement for them.

So, why did I said marriage is "it's to understand someone until you feel like pouring your heart out eventhough you're not talking, to be siblings, parent and friends in one form"? Because you could still hate your partner but still love them like siblings and parent yet still care to choose your words right and outpouring your feeling to them like friends.

It goes back to really open up your heart and trying to understand others. As far as it goes, it's hard for people to open up their heart cause everyone is evil. Everyone of us have their own little devil which whisper of evil thoughts that we wish nobody could see it; because people expect others to be good and nice. You could say we're all big fat liar, hypocrite but hoping for that wasn't a bad thing. The world still need that, humanity need that.

For people who had been in solitude for most of their teen life, open up to others is rather harder. People who been living their live sorting it out using their bare hand; experience life as it freshly baked from oven. People with so much hands on experience which make them matured in short period of time. These people been filling our void life with ourselves. Yes, it's always about me, moi, and myself.

Should you been living like that for let say, 5-10 years; you find it's hard to depends on others. You get annoyed when people stirred up your comfort zone. You get smaller circle of friend but really trustworthy one. You ain't worried about others, you just couldn't give a dime about things that doesn't concern you. You become an individualist; living the individualism belief.

You also become pessimist in life; you think singing in rain is just a childish act, you become cynical and you don't believe in love. You're a rational man which using his mind to speak out rather than his feeling. If you had been there, it's really hard to sort of change your "polarity". When love knock on your door, you just stiff. You couldn't react cause you couldn't understand or rather you just find it bothersome to understand it.

Well, those people find it hardest to be loved. For them, love is unnecessary and wasted act. Love is just unnecessary feeling which only exist in fiction.

So, how about me? Do I need to be loved? Do I need marriage?

I think I am now. Not as in now that I need to get married NOW but rather I find love is amusing now.

So, did he need love now? I dunno. Whatever it is, it's his choice and I respect it.

p/s: gah...it turn out senseless.