Howdy!

Howdy!

Am back. After a while, feel like writing it here again. In case you never heard of it, I'm married and will be expecting little us in August, InsyaAllah. Life so far has few ups and lots of down; always a pessimistic statement from me. Couldn't help it really.

Lots of thing happened in 2010.

Happy things:
1) Get engaged
2) Get married
3) Live as newly wed

Not so happy things:
1) Admitted for diabetis (stable now)
2) Missing major part of work thus affecting my motivation
3) Hectic, busy and full house schedule.

I have to admit that life as married man change my world. Having someone (soon to be two) to take care of really put me into thinking mode each time. Some silly mistakes here and there, I should be fine. Nothing is perfect but we have lifetime to discover it, InsyaAllah.

Work was hectic, busy, sad, bitter, full of jokes and mega fun! I just enjoyed it so much though repeating the same experience for another year maybe not so encouraging. However, boss already put me in charge with some big label to me; You Can Improve It To Be Better This Year! Noted boss. Thanks for the trust.

Financially, barely enough as usual. Perhaps should cut here and there but in the midst of getting on my feet again and running the game. It's the usual cycle of starting somewhere new, you'll be struggling at start but what makes you a perfectly unique human is how you get back on your feet and keep on running. I got a hunch that 2011 will be a better year and I pray for that.

All in all, life is fun and will always be fun. I having so much colours in life, I just couldn't ask for more. One rainbow at a time, please.

I will keep posting here since I'm back. Keep on reading, keep on smiling and have fun with life.

Hell

Orang kata, kena tempuh kesukaran dulu baru kita menghargai kesenangan yang kita kecapi sekarang.

One must go thru hell to get to heaven. Heaven surrounds by hellish, torn path.

Saya tidak bercakap dalam konteks keagamaan, lebih kepada konteks kehidupan.

Kepayahan dan kesusahan sebahagian daripada jalan menuju ke "syurga" kesenangan.

Takde mood lately ni, dah suka marah-marah even sebab benda-benda kecik. Kesabaran saya makin tipis, adakah kerana saya selalu letih? Kerja tu semakin banyak, sampai kadang-kadang overwhelm dengan amount of work yang ada tapi kawan-kawan saya yang lain pun banyak kerja; malahan lagi banyak dari saya. Tak patut saya nak komplen pasal benda ni.

Tapi tak boleh kalau tak komplen, sebab nanti saya emo. Lagi emo, something torn between me and someone. Malas nak cerita panjang tapi the torn sewn and wrapping up nicely. Sedikit sebanyak, saya terasa faktor keletihan tu ada menyumbang sedikit sebanyak kepada bagaimana emosi saya lately ni. Saya rasa bersalah cuma ego nak mintak maaf. Yer, saya ego.

Baru-baru ni kawan-kawan ada call and sms, tanya itu ini tapi tak terasa nak jawab. Terasa nak kurung diri dalam bilik dan menyendiri. Semakin saya keluar kepada manusia di luar sana, saya rasa semakin la kesabaran saya menipis. Saya tak suka benda yang nonsense dan tidak praktikal, sebab saya jenis manusia yang straightforward dan praktikal.

Wedding kengkawan pun banyak saya tak pergi, cuma yang saya terasa nak pergi je saya akan usahakan jugak untuk sampai. Entah lah, saya rasa semakin ramai kawan saya add kat Facebook, semakin drifted away saya dari mereka. Apakah relationship that tidak pernah wujud antara saya dan mereka akan wujud hanya kerana saya add mereka di Facebook? Sebahagian mereka tidak pernah bercakap dengan saya, apatah lagi mengenali saya...kami cuma dihubungkan oleh tempat dimana kami bersama. Sebetulnya, hanya sebilangan kecil sahaja manusia yang benar-benar saya keep in touch.

Saya selalu terfikir, adakah saya incapable of (re)connect with people? Ada antara kawan-kawan di Facebook adalah kawan-kawan lama yang dulu bertepuk tampar mesra tapi saya tak tahu kenapa saya tidak boleh reconnect dengan mereka.

Mungkin saya tidak menyukai pengalaman saya di tempat itu, SEMSAS dan UTP. Terus terang, saya rasa saya tidak pernah menjadi sebahagian dari budaya tempat-tempat itu yang pentingkan ketrampilan dan cubaan berkawan-kawan dengan semua orang. Saya rasa dari dulu lagi saya incapable of making friends kerana saya tidak suka mengorbankan dan go against what I think right untuk membuat kawan. Jika saya tidak suka terhadap sesuatu perkara yang dilakukan oleh seseorang, percayalah saya mengelak menjadi kawan mereka. Bagi saya, yang penting adalah perkara yang saya fikirkan betul dan tidak saya kompromi terhadap itu.

Saya selalu merasakan saya suka pergi ke arah yang bertentangan dengan orang lain yang menyaksikan penyisihan yang ketara dari manusia-manusia lain. Cuma sebilangan kecil manusia yang memahami corak pemikiran saya, dan mereka itulah yang selalunya menjadi kawan saya.

Mungkin juga saya tidak fit untuk bergaul dengan orang lain selain dari kawan-kawan saya. Saya cepat berasa jengkel dengan cara mereka membawa diri mereka kerana saya dapat melihat karektor mereka yang suka diampu-ampu, bertindak dan berfikir mengikut majoriti sekalipun mereka sebenarnya tidak bersetuju kerana mereka perlu menjadi sebahagian dari komuniti yang begitu. Komuniti yang flamboyant tapi kosong. Yang popular tapi sunyi, tidak jujur.

Entahlah, mungkin saya tidak sukakan perkara-perkara begitu. Mungkin saya terlalu logikal dan rasional untuk majoriti manusia di dunia ini. Yang penting, saya suka begini.

Socially Inept of Me

I'm a socially inept person. I couldn't bring myself to any woman and start a conversation unless under 2 conditions: 1) it's about work, 2) i'm deeply in shit and need helps very badly.

Which brings to a point that, I hardly socialize. I socialize with myself most of the time or with my close friends which most of them are male species. At times, I think I'm a wonderful person and able to charm my way into people heart at times but my insecurities stops me from using it.

I found I'm always in awe seeing how people easily sparking up conversation with opposite gender not to mention; a complete stranger. They just could talk and the opposite gender just respond. Sometimes I found myself too much analyzing things and saying incomprehensible things like how weather changes and global warming just mere statistic - a conspiracy theory; not the kind of topic you would discuss over walking to the office or in the elevator, right?

Then I would just smiling like an idiot and that's it. I couldn't conjure conversation out of thin air like most people do, I'm not comfortable with stranger and I'm definitely the guy who try to avoid meeting casual friends in crowded place so I don't have to say hi to them.

I found that distinct lack of conversation skills affect me in most ways on how I convey my feeling to others. I would just sit back and let things gone by even if I can make amend to it, I would keep it buried inside me and just keep it to myself until the end of time.

But if people ask me being honest, I would be almost complete honest if they're close to me. And most of them offended by what I have to say about them.

Hrmmm...I wonder what's wrong with me. Did I do alright? Did I thinking too much? Did I?

Don't Die

I'm one of blunt persona you would meet. By blunt means that sometimes I can be very straightforward bout things. SOMETIMES...not every time. Few days ago, a friend of mine want to drive back to KL and all i could say,

"Don't die eh."

He just laugh. My other friend just stunt. He mention that I should never said things like that. Cause it will have jinx.

"But we shouldn't believe in jinx."

After that, he said that words that I utter is doa. Then I reply....

"He definitely NOT die la then. I should said it another 39 times. ahahaha."

He quite speechless to explain to me except that he mentioned that our culture (by OUR, he refering to Malay directly and Asian generally) didn't approve such thing. Means that bad things like DIE and ACCIDENT should never be uttered by any person to any traveling people. It's should be part of greeting/farewell speech so to speak.

As this reminds me of Okuribito, a Japanese movie that I watched last time portraying death as taboo subject matter in Japanese community. Death in Japanese culture normally being handled by Burakumin; also called the Untouchable. It seems that Asian particularly have reservation towards taboo things such as death and sex which make it inappropriate to be spoken in public.

Clearly, I just don't get it. I just don't get it how could you said something like "Don't die" could be offensive. It's not like I'm calling name or cursing around, just mere "die" strung together in farewell speech. What's wrong with that? Did death taboo?

Yet, everybody dies. Funny eh?

Why Rafa?

Gosh you people. I mean, Rafa is the best we could get. Yeah, at times he didn;t make good call but he done so much more than any other great manager in modern era could do given small amount of money he did have and very unsupportive owner like Liverpool have.

Fergie win his first Premier League title after 7 years in reign, for the duration of 23 years, he only get 3 CL final and winning only 2 while Benitez in his 5th year in reign manage to secure 2 CL final and winning one in Istanbul. Fergie win his first FA cup in his 4th year, Benitez did it in his 3rd year AFTER winning CL in Istanbul.

If that's couldn't convince you enough, let's put it this way. Before Benitez; Liverpool struggle to get CL berth. With Benitez; automatic qualifications every year and 3 years in row finish at least quarter final.

Fergie being called the greatest managers of modern English football yet given in the same duration of time, Benitez excel him in so many way. (The bloody Mancs love their managers too much probably smirking at this). If we're about to sack Benitez, what made are we? Bloody Chavski? Sacking managers like changing diapers.

I'm not saying that Benitez is the most perfect manager in the whole Europe, in the whole world. But given what Liverpool have, the owners behaviours and how compassionate LFC fan could be, only Benitez could deliver everything we want on the plate. We need to have more faith in him as he managing this team. FYI, last season was the highest point ever score by LFC to finish in second place which means....everyone getting better and we're also getting better each season.

Can't we be more patience and trust that he made the right call? Heck, Benitez not even comparable to Houllier as Benitez progressed WAY BETTER than the French and deliver better results.

Just piece of my mind, the rest is up to you to decide whether Benitez is good enough for Liverpool. If he's not, then who would be good enough for Liverpool?

I can't believe I wrote quite longer than I should but pretty much this is my respond to a status updates containing link to Liverpool News. Yeah...footie again, folks.

Cause we think that we're similar

Why people argue with each other?

Cause we think that we're similar. We think that we similar hence we should understand each other. But when there are difference between us, we get irritated. Why? Cause we think that we're similar. *repeat loop*

You could see these everywhere. People think that just because you share common things i.e: destiny, destination and goal in life, you should use the same road to reach there. Always, there are thousands way to reach your destination and you could decide it on your own which one you should use.

With regards 1Malaysia, realization and solution to both destination because of people think that they're similar. 1Malaysia; you could argue that it just a political propaganda if you wish to but let take the destination as plain honesty to see one Malaysia to be a reality, lots of friction amongst different ethnics that will eventually collide with each other. Given current condition, 1Malaysia seems impossible. In order to lessen the friction amongst different ethnics, we shouldn't think that we're similar. So, should we look our difference? Nope, just because we're monotheist, it doesn't mean we have the right to claim polytheists to be blasphemous. We should find the similar ground that we could stand without ever forgetting our differences. We're similar but not copycat. We might share common values, destination and destiny but we use different path to reach it.

Malaysia and Indonesia also in the same plate. We're similar, almost a copycat but after all, we're 2 different persona. We're so similar, we couldn't exist without hurting each other. We share same root and we want to reach same destination but the path had differentiate us so much that we couldn't stand each other. I would like to think that it could be easily solved but what make things couldn't be solved because lots of emotion been thrown in by people around the issue which make it more complicated than ever to solve it. Emotion putting the issue in rather more difficult situation, more thread, mud, Molotov cocktail, crap, shit, chicken, fire, water, wind blend into the issue which building up the issue to be bigger than it should. If we could hold the emotion up, we could easily sorted it out.

I have nothing to say with regards the issue as I could see both parties are at fault no matter how you said it.

Serenity: For The Love of Peace

Have you ever look at someone face and feel serene?

It's almost like a blood rush to the head, distorting feeling but in pleasant manner. A rude awakening which inviting your inner feeling to dip in and you can't help to be peace with yourself.

And you think you feel something else. Something which make your eyes couldn't let go of watching that someone.

For a moment, you think you find love at first sight. You madly, deeply and crazily in love. You even convinced that that someone will be the one.

But, a disruption erupted (just like the one happened right now). You finally took your eyes of that someone. You flip over new pages of your life, you move one. Life goes on for what it takes, you gone through alot.

And when life couldn't be easy and throwing not only kitchen sink but the whole stove, cabinets and everything, you see that someone face again. Faster than a blink of eyes, your pain gone....a warm feeling seep through your vain. The rush, the distorted feeling came back! You're in heaven. You're at peace with yourself again. Now, even a big monster truck run over you, you'll feel nothing. You're genuinely euphoric!

You feel like holding it longer, but as experience and life thought you, the most beautiful thing is the most fragile thing. You weeping inside, like no other major crybaby ever did. Your selfishness struck a chord with your possessive instinct. NO, I DON'T WANT TO LET GO! PLEASE DON'T!

Then suddenly reality check-in your brain box. That someone face changed! That someone face no longer the face you used to feel serene. Was that delusion? Was I robbed of my sense?

You realize that you want to hold on longer to the feeling, not the face. You want to feel peace with yourself, to get excited over the love at first sight again (delusional...very delusional) and the euphoria!

Love....for once again showered your dry, forsaken heart wonderland! For that an instant of spark change you again. You want to believe that you could feel it again. I could change, I could be loved.

Have you feel like this lately?

Have Some Decency

Facebook! Where should I start?

Fair enough, most people have a Facebook account or at least heard about Facebook. A social networking which currently upward trend in replacing other social network such as Friendster and MySpace. Facebook is the IN thing that for some social network virgin addicted to it like how I used to addict to bulletin board namely Grapevine. Or how few of my friends addicted to DoTA and Counter Strike which prove fatal to their academic performance and/or love life.

There are nothing wrong with addiction, everyone of us have our own addiction but you need to know where to draw the line. If you're addicted to tobacco, know that you shouldn't push others to inhale the ciggie smoke with you. If you're addicted to liqour, just consume it on your own and don't push it into somebody throat. There are fine line between good and evil; stop flirting with it.

And if you're so happen to addicted to Facebook, its quizes or its games, have some decency to stop updating your page like every 15 minutes. Especially when people know that you're supposed to be working your ass for your salary. I don't mind occasional update especially during lunch hour or after office hour (though it's still not right but it's tolerable to say the least). When I received 30 plus notifications especially from my friends who supposed to work yet have their facebook games updated almost every hour, it's rather rub me the wrong way.

Yes, I know you hate your work or demotivated just to be at work but for some dignity that might still left behind in yourself, stop showing that you're so carefree and didn't care about work. Yes, you hate the job and everybody knows it but enough of that. Do something that worthy your salary the least you could do. Have some decency to show that you're getting paid to work not to facebook every single hour.

Yes, most of the time; I do hate my job. But right now, I mostly feel indifferent. I do it because I getting paid for it and I feel responsible to show where I should land myself at. I don't expect highly of myself to excel but I do enough for people to recognize that I have done something what qualify me to get paid every month end.

If that doesn't work for you, just be reminded that there are eyes watching what you do at Facebook especially with Facebook could update ALL your friends what you're up to. It might get back to you someday if you don't carefully watch what you're doing at Facebook. It might be used against you, someday.

Otherwise, God bless you. :)

Saya Sokong Yahudi!

lemas. sungguh aku lemas.

the thrill in the chase, never in the capture.
does the excitement gone?
does things become dull?
did my heart forgot how to feel?

sungguh
pada hati ini terpalit kesal
debu-debu keraguan
mungkin pada cinta sang hati
hanyut bersama masa

maaf,
biar jutaan kali terucap
tidak mengubat cuma
menambah garam cuka kepada luka

pada kasih berlumut
bernafas dalam lumpur
cuba kotakan
pada bait manis janji

and why the fuck i write this?
a fairy told me
stop lying you stupid

dan aku cuma geleng
aku bukan tipu
cuma benar itu tidak enak

entah. sampai bila?
mahu begini?
begini begitu begita bezita?
bodoh!
merapu? kerapu?
lapar~

sudah.

p/s: harus diwartakan "don't write and emo".

Siapa Tuhan Kamu?

Isu penggunaan perkataan "Allah" didalam Buku Suci Agama Kristian yang dicetak di dalam Bahasa Malaysia. Terus terang, aku tiada tentangan penggunaan "Allah" itu di dalam Buku Suci Agama Kristian yang dicetak didalam Bahasa Malaysia.

Dari segi bahasa Arab, Allah itu merujuk kepada perkataan "Tuhan yang Satu/Esa". Berasal dari bahasa Arab, perkataan Allah telah lama digunakan oleh agama-agama monotheist (kepercayaan kepada satu tuhan; Kristian dan Judaism) sebelum kedatangan Islam. Maka, jika Allah itu merujuk kepada 'Tuhan yang Satu" yakni Tuhan Agama Kristian, maka tiada soal kenapa "Allah" itu tidak boleh digunakan mereka. Lagi pula, sebelum Islam mereka telah menggunakan "Allah" merujuk kepada "Tuhan yang Satu/Esa".

Isu ini tidak lain dan tidak bukan cuma suatu salah faham, suatu kecelaruan hanya kerana bahasa. Tuhan itu memahami apa jua bahasa di dunia ini kerana Dia yang menciptakan dunia dan isinya. Kerana itu setiap perkara yang kamu perbuatkan mesti diikuti dengan niat; niat yang baik. Di dalam solat, kamu diwajibkan berniat untuk solat menyembah Tuhan yang Satu, perkara lafaz itu cuma sunat. Ini bermaksud sekiranya sekalipun kamu ini tidak dapat memahami bahasa Arab, tidak dapat bertutur dalam bahasa Arab, kamu juga masih dapat menganut Islam dengan niat yang betul dan tulus di hati. Kamu masih dapat solat, masih dapat puasa, masih dapat mengerjakan haji kerana yang penting itu pada niat kamu (dan perbuatan disertai dengan niat yang betul tu).

Dan yang terutama sekali, kamu tahu siapa Tuhan kamu. Siapa Tuhan yang kamu sembah dan percaya dengan seluruh hati kamu, bukan soal bahasa yang picisan. Adakah bila kamu berdoa di dalam Bahasa Malaysia, Tuhan itu tidak akan makbulkan doa kamu? Adakah bila kamu berdoa dalam Bahasa Inggeris, doa kamu akan lambat di makbulkan kerana kamu menggunakan bahasa penyokong Yahudi?

Bagi aku, adalah lebih baik jika kamu berdoa di dalam bahasa yang kamu fahami semoga apa yang kamu pohonkan lebih dekat di hati kamu. Yang paling tinggi kedudukannya di sisi Tuhan adalah orang yang paling bertakwa dan bersungguh-sungguh memohon kepadaNya. Kalau kamu berdoa tapi satu hapah tak faham lepas tu kutuk-kutuk tok imam baca doa lama-lama, baik kamu baca doa sendiri dengan perkataan kamu sendiri, dengan tulus ikhlas hati kamu sendiri.

Paling penting, bukankah kamu tahu siapa Tuhan kamu?

Mem-babi-kan orang

I love to curse. I admit it. As a matter of fact, I think I'm most comfortable when I'm chatting away with cursing words flowing down like waterfall.

I found lately that i curse alot while driving. i call it "mem-babi-kan orang" session. The beauty is i'm not only pig-ging people but also their attitude and their ride. I mean, what else you could call someone who drive on right lane but drive at 60km/h? maybe snails or something along the line, but i love more to make them pig. stupid pig. don't you get your license rightfully?

The thing about cursing is it's harsh, it's offensive yet you do no physical damage. it's beautiful fight really although some people take it to another level with high pitch voice and loads of tears. i like cynical tone voice of cursing exchanging between 2 people or more, it's so dramatic. it's like watching 2 unrelated people throwing at each other knives, mortar, grenade, atomic bombs and nuclear missile but doesn't heard each other. yet, when someone get their hands on their opponent, it looks so cowardy.

Everybody love to curse, you subconciously think about how much you hate somebody/something but people who are cursing just happened to have better vocabulary than you. LOLZ. If you're a real sleek cunt, you could make people offended in so many ways with so many words, you're my hero!

Even intellectual people with highbrow dignity/dick-nity cursed. owh..you don't believe me? they do it in hide. they don't want to be seen as a crude person. But sometimes they do it in public, in their writing and speech. But of course, they do it politely and wayyyyyy better vocab than a cheap "babi" can be thrown by one person to another person.

So in term of cursing, whether you're cheap slut or rich princess, you are entitled to curse. because in every human, there are small portion of hate. to something, to somebody, to the world, to the nature or to anything, you hate something or somebody.

owh...i think i already make meself justifyable to curse. hahahaha.

p/s: and yeah, i'm still busy. but i try to update as much as i can.

What I Found About Anal!

*contain high dosage of profanity. watch the pedestrian and drive safely. *

Anal, anus, ass, arse, butt, buttock, booty, hump, bumper...fucking hell, we could give thousand names to most bootylicious thing GOD ever create in both men and women depending on your preferences of course. some like it big, some like it small, some like it smooth, some like it menggerutu with kurap on it. some love to spank it, some just get enough simulation to orgasme just by watching it.

hahahaha. i'm such an ass. i know that.

so, i found anal such an arse lately. 2 things in my life which become so anus, i couldn't define how i hate it.

first: Anal-og (analog)

i'm a failure when it comes to analog. i hate analog watch, analog meter, analog this, analog that. it's digital age, can't they make everything digital? analog annoys me cause first you don't get the accuracy just by watching it. unlike digital things, analog based on mechanical movement instead of automated calculation. that exposed analog more towards external factor such as magnetic influence, mechanical error and human error reading analog (ralat due to pembiasan cahaya from kaca to udara - blergh, you know your science).

yet there are so many analog lover, i just don't get it.

second: Anal-ysis (analysis)

if i heard another person says "analysis", i would kill them. in my field of work, people can be such pompous arse by saying "this is the analysis that i done" yet the thing they do is just crap. and more and more pompous arse overutilizing the words "analysis" to make them look intelligent when they talk and as if people couldn't read/watch/understand their bluff.

i have enough of word "analysis", couldn't anyone stop using it. just fucking say, do some study, my point of view which contains higher dosage of vanity that just "analysis". what a loser. fuck that!

Random Thoughts

During my uni time, i love to post random questions to mIRC. first, i'm bored. second, i'm bored. third, i just want differential opinion on the question. fourth, did i say i'm bored?

sometimes people asked me, did you feel/act/experience like what i'm asked in my random questions, i just say...yes and no. sometimes i asked and expecting good answer to solve my problem, sometimes did i say i'm bored? provoking people with morally twilight question is a recretational to me. it's like good sport! sweating and refreshing!

so, it comes to me again that i have random thoughts (again) after a long, tiring day.

have you ever think of having an affair with your neighbor?

how does it feel to get shot by a nuclear bullet or something like that?

is it really terrifying to stab somebody to death?

if you could behead somebody and kick his head after that, what kind of kick will you employ?

or you'll just smack the head with baseball bats?

what does it feel when you jump for suicide from a rocky cliff?

how does it feel to be frozen to death?

does fucking with pretty face women taste better?


hahahahha. i'm quite twisted.

Things they don't teach in class

1) If you posted clouds pictures taken from windows of airplane on your point-and-shoot camera or phone camera, that's indicated that you're naive.

2) If you taken your picture from up angle (myspace angle), that's indicated that you're fat.

3) If you taken your picture from your GS (good side), that's indicated that you're ugly.

4) If you think that you're ugly and still taken your picture in any angle you like and posted it on your social network with caption "owh..i'm so not pretty", that's indicated that you're ugly.

5) If you think you could post your amateur homemade porn to WWW with censoring/hiding your face, that's indicated that you're just show to the world how small your dick is which means, you're also as stupid as the female in features.

6) If you think emo hair is cool, you're a fag.

7) If you think you going to get good job just because you're graduating from university, you better kill yourself since you will be dead horse anyway.

8) If you only have SPM qualification, not any kerabat or dato or tan sri's relative and think highly of yourself in working environment, you should put one or two or three bullet/hot rod to your brain.

9) If you believe that your being transexual is GOD will, you sure believe that you're evolved from ape.

10) If you think reading this useless list will beneficial to you, you sure believe that by signing your name will get you full mark in your exam.

Just because you're a woman

....don't you think i can't smack you!

Today, i'm pissed off. I mean, mad, angry. For some collaborative business trip that i will be heading in few days from now, this woman really know to push my button. Everytime she opens her mouth, she just adding more fuel to my anger. Thing started when i need to discuss with her on the details of the collaborative business trip. The trip for testing new system at vendor site before we could implement it in the office. For the whole project, i just a coordinator. She is the end user who will use the system but she doesn't give a dime about the trip.

Ok, here the situation. I "inherit" the project as part of my new job scope at this new office. Well, nothing i could do to avoid it so i just devour and enjoy it. She on the other hands try her best not to give the cooperation that i need. I mean, come on! I also have tons of work on my plate that i need to take care of but she was soooo pissed me off with her careless attitude. For a starter, she doesn't even read the functional design documents. Yes, you're the new kids of the block but show some effort, please. To think that i'm running around to coordinate the whole thing even for her traveling itirenary and push her to get the traveling documents approved by her managers, i'm sure my patience just at best when i could handle all that. even up to that point, she don't even have any effort to clear things up with her manager on traveling issue that we have.

she almost get the best of me when she again playing her careless card when i urge her to get things sorted before tomorrow. i wonder how i could still smile when i talk to her at that moment, i admire my acting. to be the end user and ignore the testing for the system, she don't know what going to get her way soon.

from what i heard from small investigation with her staff (he will follow us too for the business trip), she just kinda rude and authoritive to her subordinate. With that kind of attitude, she either one day will be hate or get raped by one of her subordinate!

I used to have 16 problematic male subordinates under my care and i could tell you it's so hard to work with them since all of them have "colourful" history. But to be able to relate to them (3 of them are at my dad age) and have a workable relationship, i'm proud of myself. You have to give respect to gain respect. To play it by their rules sometimes is the way to win them. You have to be harsh when needed but just chill out when they're behaving ok. They're ain't kids so treat them with respect even they are the one who sort your letters, photocopy your documents, deliver your parcels and sweep your floor.

I just don't get it why most executives (new and current) so full of themselves! they think they're smart but they know very little about the world. and not to mention (even I hate to make sexist remarks but it's my most encounter experience) that women are so full of themselves in this case. maybe most of them are spoilt brat but don't you parent teach you to respect others, you stupid cunt?

when was your last time you smile to janitors cleaning your office? or the tea lady who clean your office pantry? or the one who serve you food at the cafeteria?

i rest my case. you know yourself better.

Palestine vs Israel: Religious War or Liberation War?

Funny thing about Palestine and Israel issue is it's between Muslim and Jews which make me want to ask; is this a religious war? or is it a liberation war?

what i want to highlight (as i told lots of people last time), the strategy employed by both Hamas and Fatah is not working. The war exploded since 1946 and did anything change for better then?

if this is a liberation war, Palestinian should leave. Let's Jews have Palestine. Retreat and rearrange the strategies back as what Jews did last time when they get into Palestine. They play around with holocaust during WWII to get the world to sympathize with them. very clever indeed. If Palestinian stays in Palestine and waiting to be slaughtered, then nothing I could do about it. is it because of their pride? When you retreat, it doesn't mean you're lost, it just you buying some time to get back to drawing board of strategy. Remember Trojan Horse? how a group of retreat people infiltrate into a sleeping giant and slaughtered them.

if this is a religious war, then also Palestinian should leave. why? Remember "peristiwa Hijrah"? Mohammad s.a.w. move from Mekah to Madinah when there are nothing they could do in Mekah to win. Carefully strategize, Mohamad s.a.w. come back to win Mekah. and in the process He didn't kill any civilian. he didn't blow up any religious place belongs to other religion.

and as far as i remember, Islam never told Muslim to blow/kill/torture/beheaded civilian, women, children and old people.
Since when did Islam allow Muslim to butcher innocent people?
Since when did Muslim allowed to blow up other religion religious place?
Did Mohamad s.a.w. teach Muslim to do that?
Did Mohamad s.a.w. blow/kill any Jews civilian during his time?
Did this war is so big and important that Muslim just could neglect all what Islam had told them just to win back Palestine?
Did this war so important that Muslim are allowed to pray for Israel damnation?
Since when Islam teach Muslim to pray for other people bad luck?
Did Mohammad s.a.w pray for damnation of people who give him hard time?

I dunno about your version of Islam but the version of Islam i know doesn't teach all that. Cause the version of Islam that I know is a religion of peace. Religion that ask Muslim to question their doing, whether is it right or wrong. Religion that teach about value creation.

Now, back to macro, does this a religious war? or does this a liberation war?

on the other hand:
are we so civilized that we're barbaric and crude?

the need of a hero & the need to become one

Hero; a savior figure. I believe that hero is a man/woman comes and save the day; in my case, come to save me. Superhero; hero with super power, a mere imagination. What we have in this bitter reality is just average hero; human with miracle that they created.

For past months, i been watching Dr Who. Dr Who is a British series created long time ago and just had been given new life by BBC Wales. Up to date, 4 seasons already for the new Dr Who. Dr Who telling the story about Time Lord; the last of his kind wandering around the time and space saving civilization, rescue planets and such. An intriguing series by BBC and influence lots of British. Considered as amongst longest running television series with 752 episode to date.

What intrigue the most about Dr Who and the act of hero is eventhough "the Doctor" is clearly a hero but as he always said; "look at this clever human being, look at their potential!" telling something about human being. In the eyes of an alien (the Doctor is so not human - he's from Gallifrey), human being are capable of heroic act; the act that make them hero.

In life, sometimes we feel so lost that we secretly wish someone come to save us. Get scolded at work, unmotivated at school, heart broken, failing exam, drowning, completely lost faith in love, broken family, business collapsed etc. The list can goes on and on and on. We need a saviour. We need a hero.

Everyone needs a hero, conciously or subconciously.

And everyone needs to become one. You know what you could do best, make use of it for betterment. I realize that in today competitive world, nobody care about anybody. I care for my own good. I'm not saying that you should leave your business and join Peace Corp but being a hero shouldn't be in grand scale of things. Ever heard that "you're the world to someone"? It's truly it. Well, at least to your bank. Gone missing for 3 months and see how much they missed you. Aside that, everybody have a purpose to live, a purpose to be happy.

Do what you do best in life and become a better man/woman each day and you'll be a hero. Sometimes people just don't see it cause people around them never tell it. Well people, you better start told people around you how much they save you even by tiny bit. It makes a different for people morale. A simple thank you note, a smile and an act of care could save lots of souls from being forever torment.

I once have this inferiority about how much people actually reading this useless piece of writing and once I decided to stop writing. But on that one fine day, there are somebody (an anonymous really) tell me that how much he likes to read my writing. I'm relieved to hear that really. In some way, i feel like a hero. I feel like that i'm likable. That I'm not as bad as I think of. That i have potential in this inferior looking and feeling. So, go on be a hero and save the world!

Look at this beautiful people, looks how clever they are. Brilliant human being!

Consumerism Whore

We're consumerism whore. Consumerism is a need, nonetheless you're a plain, household consumer or high profile business consumer. You consume, purchase, buy, trade, procure or whatever fucking term for consumerism.

I found it's amusing how much consumerism; the way we spent our money reflect our social status. Simplest example I see in front of my eyes that a friend of mine buys SEED shirt which cost him RM 200. It's an arguable cost for me; much to give me idea to ridicule his concept of consumerism. RM 200 for fucking shirt that nobody really care anyway. Some might take a look at those fancy shirt but I'm not one of them and even the material wasn't the best anyway if quality comes into question. One of my officemate even buy Burberry necktie which cost him RM 300.

People looking at consumer brand to "brand" themselves, to set their level. I have no problem with that if you think the brand could provide some social status or make women chasing after you but what concern me on how consumerism "consumed" your lifestyle.

As most people love to coin the term of "executive lifestyle", it's a term of vomit-induced for me. WHAT THE FUCK WITH EXECUTIVE LIFESTYLE? For those who ain't familiar to executive lifestyle term, it's a term referring to 5Cs; condo, car, credit card, cash and career. It's a benchmark to gauge where a person belongs, how much his worthy. I used to have a talk with one manager on this 5Cs which going like this:

Manager: So, you duduk kat mana?
Me: Gombak. Dekat area taman melati.
Manager: Owh, berapa orang duduk serumah? Sewa macam mana?
Me: Kami duduk 5 orang (now 4), sewa around RM 550 untuk rumah sahaja. Kalau campur utilities bill around RM 900 per month la.
Manager: Murah nya. Kenapa you tak duduk kondo, dah la bersesak-sesak sangat rumah you tu. You as an executive should living in comfort, at least sewa la kondo around your area there.
Me: Owh..i don't think i need it.

Soon, i skewed the conversation to somewhere else as i clearly could see where the conversation going to lead should i let it. You see, i found that it's non-practical approach to have a house that cost me RM 1000 per month on rental alone while i hardly spent any time at home during weekdays except to get some sleep, shower and toilet. Most of my time during weekdays spent outside the house and i'm totally ok with small and cramp space of my room.

Many would argue that i buy expensive perfume, IKEA furniture and Liverpool jersey but here's the catch for those.

I need perfume that long last but i also wear RM 10 perfume from Generic Perfume. As long as i love the smell, i would buy it. RM 10 perfume could also smell nice and last longer. I buy perfume because you see, i sweat alot and i hate when i smell like salted fish. Deodorant alone won't do.

I buy IKEA furniture because they could provide the best wooden furniture that compact, space efficient and i could assemble it on my own. I hate metal bed because it will make sound when the hinges, bolts and nuts loose. It could drive me crazy.

I buy Liverpool jersey because i'm a fan of LFC and it's a healthy hobby. I found myself into football which much better than rempitting and other immoral behaviour.

I strongly believe in practicality. there are things that i need and things that i want so i just put my priority on my needs greater than my wants. I don't spent money like hell if i know i need to makan megi before middle of the month.

I wasn't say that i not part of consumerism whore. I myself love to buy gadget and upgrading my pc which sometimes quite disastrous. But slowly i want to get back to my rational side and thinking back everytime i want to spend my money. I found it's hard to get there.

So, let be wiser in spending our money and let's not eat megi before the end of the month!

Dope

this piece was lost

i will keep filling

this empty hole with emptiness

shallow feeling of loneliness

afraid not to dream

but i'm tired of nightmare

which i couldn't shake off

i'm my intoxication

that keep me high

in this narrow tunnel

the light won't shine again

let me be here

don't you bother

cause i will never

be your matter

this piece will always lost

i forge the smile

i fake the tears

i clone the heart

would you please be happy now?

04 August 2008 - 20.31

Originally posted here.

I Hate Wedding Reception

I hate wedding reception because:

1) Lots of people which I don't know - I hate strangers
2) Lots of people which I barely know - I hate to act friendly
3) Lots of people - I hate crowded place
4) Lots of noise - I hate noisy place
5) Lots of cameras - I hate people camwhoring
6) Lots of makeup - I hate fake face
7) Lots of children - I hate noisy place
8) Lots of people moving around - I hate crowded and noisy place

In conclusion, I hate wedding reception.