Screwed you~!

it's been a norm for people to screwed up. i pretty sure everybody said it's fuckin normal.

it been a very hard moment when someone close to you get through the same experience. and much worst when you knew it from somebody else. it had been a very hard moment to swallow that such a lie been told without any fear, without any shame. Either human being too desperate or they just plain stupid. as for me, i'm damn surprised, not to mention pretty i feel like "been-run-over-by-bus".

it's really proof that human are capable of doing the worst. some might get irritated for my closed, narrow mind but i have to admit this kind of things just not my things. it's really broke my heart to hear it from somebody else bout it. i don't want to believe but bad things always come up to surface by GOD will. if you're wondering why your life fulfill by so much trouble, ask yourself what you have done in the past.

if this post just incomprehensible, let it be. for some people who been telling me lie bout their life, let say i know what you been hiding. tell me the truth so that i might feel sorry for you cause now i feel you treat me like a small,fool,retarded kid who doesn't need to know bout yourself. you making the big picture of my life look like a fool.

if you know who you're, tell me some truth. i will hear it no matter how much pain i need to bare. it's frustrating, but it's much better than hearing it from somebody else. i'm outta from here, waiting for somebody confession.

GOD bless your poor soul.

Tickling my anger

This week kinda super stress week for me. Too many bad things happened for no fucking reason. I will put in list for better view. The list of unfortunate fucking events are:

• need to work on weekend

I got to work on weekend last week. as all of us know, we have 3 days off but i fulfill first 2 days at KLIA. we have evacuation for turkmenistan office. if you read the fuckin news, you'll know that turk's president already passed away thus there are chances of coup to occur there. so, we need to evacuate 'non-essential' (read: family) of the staffs there to malaysia. i not argue the experience that i got but the week before that also i need to work on weekend. on the week before that, i need to come to office during weekend to pack all organizer, desk calendar, pocket diary, and wall calendar to all PCSB office either at PMO, SKO, SBO, and overseas. Thousands of organiser and we take 2 evening (thursday & friday) and one whole day (saturday) to finish all the packing. so in basic i been doing 2 weeks work without decent rest.

It's ok for me for doing the work cause i love my work. But the tiredness prolonged to weekdays and with current tasks given, tense rose up quickly. this thing put my body in 50% health point down and put my tense point to 5%.

• snailnet (internet at snail's pace)

the earthquake at taiwan make the snailnet phenomena worsen at malaysia. not to mention the already snailnet connection we have, earthquake make the connection even worst. i love internet so much cause internet help me to get away from real world and enjoy the world which i have total control over it. how powerful is it. one thing i hate so much is i can't read blogs/news as breakfast replacement and wikipedia/d-addicts as lunch replacement. frustrating gile. this one add up my tense almost 50%

• mom angry (read:miss) at me

i really don't have time to call her. during weekend, i come back late and i need fuckin rest to rejuvenate for tomorrow activities. beside works, i have household chores to be done. today, she missed call me and i call her back. she kinda pissed off cause i not calling her. she said she missed me. yeah...i know. me too. but i can't call at night cause she going to bed early plus she's not too healthy to stay up late. so, normally i will call her on friday but last friday had been spent to scheduled evacuation exercise which put me to arrange accomodation and transportation for evacuated families. not to mention i need to work close with HR to ensure they get enough assistance and comfortable with the evacuation process. Ashgabat -> bangkok (6 hours) -> transit (normally 3 hours or more) -> bangkok -> KL (2 hours). a very tiring journey especially if the families have 4 small children while the husband not around. ops..back to topic.

mom asked me to go back home during this raya. it's not that i don't want to go back but considering how exciting kelantan and terengganu people celebrating eidul adha, i can imagine how busy the LPT and not to mentioned Karak highway. i already told her that i will be going back at the end of this month after the migration exercise for floor 24, 52 and 53 Tower 1 finished but she forget bout it, i think. so, i need to find ticket to going back to Temerloh on 31/12 but i'm pretty sure all the ticket already sold out. i just called plusliner and utama to do the check. i hope she'll understand but i just ready to be nagged by her. but after i told her bout my hectic weekend, she's kinda berlembut. lucky. she asked me to take care my health since i'm telling her my swinging health condition. love you ma. i'm going back end of next month k. this put my tense point to 110% percent but after she's asked me to take care of my health, my tense going down 100% percent. aih..rindunya. =)

• new knowledge

i love to learn and willing to learn. as a newbie, i put down my head and pride to seek knowledge from others but this things really pissed me off cause i just got new knowledge regarding my induction programme. i just knew that we need to register our name to HR for that induction programme. WTF is that? i know the importance of providing information to clarifying and record keeping (for HR side) but what pissed me off is that HR never told me bout this. Ok, i'm at fault for not asking for it but my assumption is everything already been arranged by HR since they have record of new recruit. Assumption is mother of all fucked up so i'm at fault again but i been wondering how could HR not putting the details of registration in the attachment given to us together with offer letter????? it's just one small sentence stating "please get induction registration form from HR personnel upon report duty". easy rite??

And not to mentioned that i get a pain in the ass experience while fulfilling my needs for works including PC purchases, SAP ID and access registration, LAN ID registration, port activation, PC configuration and many new things that a newbie need to handle. I don't mind doing all those thing but i need to be informed before hand. as HR assume all department have secretaries, i need them to revise back their opinion since most secretaries are dumbass lazy (my section don't have secretaries so everything i handle myself). please help new recruit to get their things done by putting a list of must acquire items/things in simple one page attachment together with offer letter so that we can ask people around us and do things on our own. i seriously don't mind to ask people around to accomplish my things cause it's all knowledge but i'm in situation of "i dunno what i dunno". you're in blind spot.

and i'm too pissed off to see MyHRM website which not having links to PMTSB site. i hardly browse through all celah2 MyHRM website and i couldn't find any link to PMTSB site. lastly after godek2 PETRONET, i found PMTSB site link at Education Division site. It's ok if i been working for 10 years (in assumption i been exploring all those sections in MyHRM website) but i'm just 3 month here and i can't accept the fact that i need to wasting my time browsing things that should make easier for users. i'm so pissed off. i very teruja with HRIS form. they give us sample on how to complete the form thus make the work easier. you should expect all those newbies are total dumb and have no even slightest idea bout any of your jargon and terms used. Help us here...i'm tired of getting suprised. I dunno if this thing happened to most newbie but i'm lucky to have my curiosity and common sense to guide me in exploring those website. can you imagine a person with low common sense and curiosity? and i think my IT background help me a bit to explore things. FYI, my PC purchases already pending for 3 month, my SAP registration pending for 1 month, and my hell fuckin induction goin to be delayed only-god-know-when.

i'm tired of lack information, miscommunication and sudden short notice. i dunno why they can't revise their system and make improvement out of it. if i'm telling them bout this, they asked me to shut up cause i'm still new. happened to my friend. enough said. you need no new recruit if need no new idea (but they gembar gemburkan psl acquiring new idea from new comer yet they stop us from giving new idea. dumbass). i think all this are just formality, just to boosting up their management, try to make them look different eventhough they are not. and as part of their families, i'm afraid i losing my grip. they good at brainwashing. i hope i manage to survive so that one day when i'm going up there, i'm going to change their way using my power. i hope so. my tense going 200% after finished browsing MyHRM website and cursing along the way to find out PMTSB website (plus with snailnet) and slow access to PMTSB and MyHRM website. i wonder why. no maintenance of server? or congested network? i dunno, i'm just an admin guy.

ok..that's the summed up of my life during this whole week. now i'm taking my resto and lepaking during raya at KL. i'm not getting any balik raya ticket. so ma, meet you end of this month. i will try my best to stay healthy. =)

Tagged!!

Okies, i been tagged by adek a.k.a rearrange. Actually i have nothing much to update since i been fuckin busy lately. nope, i'm not kiddin or what. I AM fuckin busy lately and i rarely have enough rest (REST mean i rarely get my beauty sleep on weekend and riadah hujung minggu bersama teman2).

1. Name: Mohd Ridzuan Mat Zin
2. Age by 2006: 22
3. Status: complicatedly single. miahaha.
4. Nickname: mangifera, nuratiqah_suzana, vlkscode, mangifera_indica, [heartless], fleming, [emotionless], [tribute].
5. Siblings: 7 of them. 2 abang, 2 akak, 2 adik and me.
   
6. Anak no: 5
   
7. Anak sedara: around 20+. pengsan aku nak menjaga.
8. The most understanding person: my sister, kak na.
9. Things people dunno bout me (most people dunno bout me) : i do cry especially when i feel depressed.
10. i watch porn.
    
11. first crush? darjah 3. name dia nurul aliya bt abdul rahman.
12. i never kiss.
13. i never hold hand with my gf.
    
14. not even have gf.
15. always long distance relationship.
16. tak suka expose diri sendiri pada orang.
17. byk citer rahsia diri tapi masih byk yang orang tatau.
18. suka cakap apa yang bertentangan dgn apa yang dipikirkan.
19. pandai 'berlakon'.
20. anggap diri sendiri pandai baca emotion orang.
21. tak suka kena tinggal sensorang.
22. suka tolong orang.
23. selalu rasa dipergunakan oleh orang.
24. merungut tapi still tolong orang.
25. suka melaser orang.
26. kadang2 tak berniat nak sakitkan hati orang tapi tatau camne nak explain kenapa still cakap benda yang sakitkan ati orang.
27. kadang2 terlalu berterus terang.
28. kadang2 terlalu pendamkan benda yang patut dicakap.
29. people view me as joker.
30. orang susah anggap aku ni serius.
31. kadang2 aku nangis tanpa sebab.
    
32. kadang2 aku depress tanpa sebab.
33. suka kenang benda2 lama. lepas tu hati terluka dan marah2. lepas tu depress.
    
34. average food hardly pleased me. i'm picky.
35. sikap yang terlalu berterus terang buat orang tensen dan kecik ati.
36. bila sedih, terasa ingin dipeluk. rasa nak ada orang cakap yang bila sedih tu ok.
37. kadang2 jadik sangat emotional.
38. kadang2 jadik sangat tak berperasaan.
39. buat benda ikut kepala sendiri. jarang pikir psl orang lain.
40. degil amat.
    
41. suka wat lawak pervert. suka wat lawak.
42. dia tak suka terlalu dijaga.
    
43. dia rasa dia pandai jaga diri sendiri.
44. tak suka orang yang over protective.
45. x suka orang yang suka bebel.
46. even dia sendiri suka bebel.
47. once pernah ada masalah anger management.
48. always ada masalah self esteem.
49. he feel he's only talk when needed.
50. easily made friend.
51. easily felt in love.
52. hardly get grip on it.
53. self-centered.
54. his family and friends come first.
55. now they need to compete with his work.
56. tinggi? 170 or 173. not sure.
57. berat? i'm chubby. nuff said.
58. he love foods but he's picky.
59. he love sambal ikan bilis.
60. his thought might surprised others.
    
61. sometimes his idea too radical.
62. he love small close space that can make him comfortable.
63. he love to have his own space.
64. he knows people but people dunno him.
65. he once addicted to forumming.
66. still addicted to blogging.
67. addicted to jdorama.
68. love to spend time with his pc.
69. internet make him happy.
70. his mind scattered. so does his writing.
71. he easily lost focus.
72. hate to go in depth too much.
73. sometimes he feel he's so hard to pleased.
74. once a revengeful person.
75. sometimes people accuse him as liar.
    
76. cause he's easily change his mind.
77. have very little trust in human being who hardly he knew.
78. very little friend who really can talk to him bout anything.
79. always feeling hopeless.
80. he think he need to be much thinner.
81. to argue was once his area.
82. he's fragile when it comes to emotion.
83. he's too complicated for most people.
84. he's a mild liverpool fan.
85. he once a MU fan.
86. he never like chelsea or arsenal anyway.
87. her ideal girl: a bit chubby girl with fair skin wearing long sleeve white shirt, jeans, sneakers and tudung.
    
88. he love to see women in light blue attire (he get caught off his guard when he watching aiswarya rai in her light blue saree).
89. he promise to himself that he's never wear pink and yellow.
90. he love his mom yet he always get into trouble with her.
91. when first time you see him, he's look too cold and faraway but when you get closer, you know he's a nice person but guarded bout himself.
    
92. he listen to his mp3 so that he can avoid talking with people.
93. he have lots of good ideas but he hardly put them in writing.
94. he love reading wikipedia.org while he's on spare time or browsing through d-addicts.com.
95. he love rock music in general but his favorite band must be the corrs and linkin park.

he got nothing to write. he stop it here. :P

i want to pass this tag invitation to: rikku, narulle, EE, mekot, raja, ain, chunna, and people who read this entry. miahahaha. tulis2. kering idea dah nak tulis kasi cukup 111.

My CK

20/12/2006

Yours truly really want CK ONE SUMMER. wait babe...i will get you. don't worry, sooner you'll be in my arm. love ya babe. *muahs*

to be continued....

p/s: google CK ONE SUMMER for further info. TQ.

=========================================================

21/12/2006

already get my hand on 2 CK perfume. i dunno why, but i love CK much than any other perfume. as for me, CK have lighter smell than any other perfume line i ever tried. except for CK eternity. btw, i try CK Euphoria and CK One Summer. Here's some snapshot of those perfume.

CK One Summer Pack



CK One Summer Pack - already opened it.



CK Euphoria & CK One Summer

Call me whatever you want but i'm so in love with CK perfume. My first CK would be CK BE which i bought while in UTP. Second one (read: with my own gaji) is CK Euphoria which i buy using my own gaji money last month. I'm a bit regret cause i'm really committed to buy CK One Summer before this but it seems that Euphoria attracted my attention much more than CK One Summer. I really love CK One Summer smell but Euphoria smell also not bad. I decide to buy both of them but have not enough money last month. After getting the gaji this month, i want to buy CK One Summer before i change my mind.

And as a result, i love both Euphoria and One Summer. Thanks to the promoter for giving me the chance to test the perfume for almost 1 week before i can decide to buy which one. it's worth waiting. :P

any comment people?

Malaysia: Her right is our responsibility

My Fellow Malaysian,

"Ask what you could do to your country instead of asking what your country could do for you"

Quoting JFK, we should ask what we could do in helping this great nation solving her problem. Referring to "Women Forced to Cover Up" issue, i just want to ask what we already contribute to solve those rapping cases? What our contribution to make this nation a safer nation for our future generation? Whilst all of you arguing about your right to wear anything you like, how about this country's right to be a safer place to live in? Do we just don't care about this nation?

As most of you will point your finger to laws and laws enforcer to ensure this nation a safer place, we just now neglecting this nation's right on us. In my opinion, we can work together in ensuring this nation a safer place to live in. Firstly, we should tighten the laws such as providing heavy punishment for rapist. 20 years in prison is not enough. Even 40 years also not enough. Should we hanged all those rapist? I think it's a good idea to make it public punishment. If we couldn't install respect, we install fear in them. For some people who might seeing this as barbaric, think it again. What's more important than our safety? Our pride as civilized society?

If this civilized society promised to make a better society, i couldn't agree with that. Our current laws not even protect us. Let's take an example on drug abuse. How many drug dealers we sent to prosecution? Quite a number but still we couldn't being a drug-abuse free society. Figures of drug abuse cases and drug dealer growing fast. We might blame the demand and supply rules, the laws enforcer, the government but i can see clearly our current laws not instill fear in our criminal minds. If we sent those drug dealers to public hanging, i could ensure much of drug dealers out there really have fear over them. They will think twice to involve with drug. With fear, people are ruled. Instead we care so much about civilized society, i can see that we not valued our peaceful society.

As government done their part with the laws, how could we contribute to make rape case going down? In my humble opinion, we could start dress decently. People will argue that it's their right to dress as they like. Let's take another example: homosexual. We couldn't agree more that homosexual is totally wrong in every religion but nowadays the figures of homosexual increasing. How could this figures increasing? We couldn't say anything because it's their right. It's their right to live their life, who are we to stop them? Yes, it's their right. But one day, those "disease" will come knocking your doors and then you'll realize that how miserable it be. Your brother or sister became homosexual and your parent almost commit suicide. We wondering, why oh why this could happened to my family? why oh why my brother or sister could became a gay?

Because at first place, we not give any thought about it. "It's not my problem." That's what most people will say. Or "It's their right to live as they wish". Prevention is better than cure. Start to treat "disease" early before it became critical. Back to topic, most people still insist on their stand. Then, what if your sister or brother get rape one day? Will this problem be yours? So, how could dress decently could prevent this rape disease from infecting larger part of society? If all of you could carelessly dress all you wish, then think about people who get aroused by seeing your sexy body? "Still, it's not my problem. They should look away." kind of reaction. When those "prey" get aroused, they find smaller, easier or weaker victim. That's why we could see most of rape victim is either alone, underage, too old, isolated from public, or mentally/physically disabled. Favorite target: old women, small children, women in isolated area, blind women, retarded people. So, why don't they attacked you who showed it to them? The prey knows that you're educated, might have some skills in martial art or might have rape-prevention tools like pepper spray. So, how should you be responsible for their lost?

"Bertepuk sebelah tangan tak berbunyi". Taking good example of that idiom, we could start covered up our body with decent dress and should stopped being selfish human being. If in judgement day, what we could answer GOD if HE asked us "What you had done to prevent rape cases in your society?". You couldn't say "I don't have time." or "It's not my responsibility" while you're part of this community. If you wish not to be responsible to this society problem, then find your own island and live your life there alone. While you're in this society, fulfill this society's right by dressing decently. We might not be here to see the changes that we do today, but our future generation will be thankful to us for something so small we do now. What we do now echoes in future. What we do in life echoes in eternity.

We don't need to be a super-people by showing our body to others, we can show it by our personality and not to mention by covering your body with decent cloth, you still can look beautiful. Fashion is flexible and magical, so if they can't make ugly people look beautiful, how come they can't make covered up clothes make people look beautiful? If beautiful are decided by their looks, i guess it's too much for civilized society. We're not matured enough to be a civilized society then.

After long writing, i could conclude we work both way. Both laws and people need to be change. Don't claim on your right alone while neglecting others people right and most important, Malaysia's right. Her right is our responsibility.

Series Spree

After few "buhsan and serious" entry, i will post something much lighter. People tend to get boring over serious and buhsan thingy. So, better give it a break for a while.

Lately, i been so hooked up with my uTorrent. i had been downloading like crazy horse for the past 4 weeks and i start to lose control over my bed time. At certain point, i used to be once in UTP; staying over night just to finish watching series. After some self-reflection, thank GOD i managed to get grip over myself back. If not, i might screwed up my future.

So, here's the list of series and dorama i been downloading and watching for past 4 weeks. Call me crazy but i just love watching dorama and series:

Series:

House Season 3 (Episode 1 - 8) - still running - rating: 10/10

Comment:
As usual, House giving me the best humor of all. House already manage to overcome his disablities (after the shot incident). He's had been in kematine coma treatment to cure his limb. This season's cases much interesting with much more twist. I really keen to watch this series. And frankly speak, this series is the only one i'm really watching from end to end, and rerun for thousand times.

Heroes Season 1 (Episode 1 - 6) - still running - rating: 8/10

Comment:
This new series quite interesting but i only managed to watch 3 episode only. Not for after dinner cause i tend to get boring with this series. A bit slow pace, just like PB. Currently, the plot is quite nice. Currently available until episode 11 (as per time this entry written). For people don't have internet but have Astro, you might want to wait for January since Astro gonna broadcast this series by January next year.

Dorama:

Only You (Episode 1 - 16) - Complete episode, 4 episode waiting for download - rating: 7/10

Comment:
This is korean dorama so the plot varies a little. Love story bout a cook and a millionare heir whose lack his mother's love. They meet in Vicenza when the lady want to find that heir's mom in order to learn pasta recipe. End up, both lady and heir felt in love and sleep together and then they go each other way. The lady have an offspring from his relationship with the heir but the heir never knew bout it. They meet back after 6 years and love blooming back between them. But things never gone easy. Seriously, i love the actress. She's so damn cute. You might want to browse the link given to read more bout the cast members. I accidentally (what a word) watching this dorama at 8TV and it's haunting me to watch it all over again.

Attention Please (Episode 1 - 11) - Complete - rating: 8/10

Comment:
I must thank Amar Yusof for introducing me to this dorama. I'm watching this dorama in one-go. I stayed up all night to finish watching this dorama. 'Luckily', the day after that i need to go to office and after not getting any sleep at all the night before (not to mention i just get back from my hometown after Raya Celebration), i nearly collapsed in LRT due to diziness. hahaha. This dorama bout a punk rock vocalist who going for flight attendant course cause her crush said that he love to see women in flight attendant uniform. How pervert. Naively, she's going to the course with a reputation as a bad girl with Yankee style. She's transform to be polite, soft-spoken flight attendant with lots of hurdle. The ending is obvious but the transformation and twist still make me stay for whole night to finish this. Btw, Aya Ueto is the main role so you could imagine how funny this dorama turn out to be.

Hana Yori Dango I (Episode 1 - 9) - Complete - rating: 8/10

Comment:
I never watch Meteor Garden but i love this series. Japanese style Meteor Garden really give me something i miss since i last watching Gokusen. It's really nice to watch rude girl/lady fighting over proud boy/man. It's just both side is damn stubborn and lots of thing happened along the way. A really funny series with fashion spree shows in this movie. For Jun and Shun fans, this is a must watch series. They really cool in Gokusen, this series they performed much better. The story is about a poor girl enter into elite richy bitchy high school. This school have 4 super-power-richy-heirs who rules the school using their own terms. So, tragedies happened and the girl get Red Note (declaration of war) from the 4 heirs (they called themselves F4 which stands for flower 4). And high school puppy love get into picture. Nice series that make me laugh alot. owh..they have season 2 for this dorama, so just wait and see the end of Tsukushi and Domyouji relationship. :)

Dragon Zakura (Episode 1 - 11) - Complete - rating: 9/10

Comment:
This dorama is about a lawyer who once race gang member trying to find out his way out from his poor life. He got an assignment to close down a private school due to financial crisis but he's going other way round by promise to save the school by making 5 student that year to enter Todai (Tokyo University); the most prestigous university in Japan. The school is so damn bad cause since its establishment, the school never get their student to enter Todai and the average grade amongst the student are 34%. His methods is special cause he's tackling the difficulties in subject by teaching it in fun way. This series reminds me of Gokusen but much better than that. He's saving both attitude and grade of those student. Btw, the main role plays by Abe Hiroshi thus make this series a really fun to watch.

Last Christmas (Episode 1 - 11) - Complete episode, 5 episode waiting for download - rating:7/10

Comment:
This dorama is just like '1 Litre of Tears' and 'A Song to the Sun'. A dying lady who meet a guy which love blooming between them. One solid reason to watch this dorama because Yada Akiko in there. I just love her cute face. After 2 episode, this dorama different from those sad dorama. At least, this dorama not really emphasize on the disease and death of the main character but instead how they living their life. I so hate sad love story which have dragging plot. Seriously, i can't stand it. This dorama is quite different and Yada Akiko's cute face make me love this movie much more.

Movies:

Nana - rating: 9/10

Comment:
At last, i managed to watch this movie. After thousand rumors fly towards my head, this movie deserved the hype. This movie brilliantly put by its director and writer. This movie sometimes make me confuse whether Nana and 'Hachi' Nana felt in love with each other. But at last i realize, true love between friends are much pure. I'm so moved by this movie. This movie is about a punk rock singer want to make appearance in Tokyo while she meet a girl who also going to Tokyo in order to live with her boyfriend. Fate make them meet together and live together. Along the journey, they pretty much have lots of commonality instead of their obvious difference in appearance. People that get connected by heart; that's the right thing to say bout this movie. Btw, this movie based on manga and also have anime series.

Kingdom of Heaven: Director's Cut Version - rating: 10/10

Comment:
I watch this movie at cinema and watching it back never get me bored. I hate Orlando Bloom but this movie is nice to watch and he nailed the role. The director's cut version contain lot more scene that not available to public in cinema. This movie start as a good movie and end also as a good movie and scene that being cut make quite significant emotionally. The pace of this movie balance because the cinema version pace quite fast due to many emotional moment cut down. This movie definately worth lots and watching the director's cut version help me digest some misunderstanding along the way. One thing that i really impressed with this movie is it's script which written carefully and have lots of quote that moved your heart.

Queue for downloading series/dorama/movies:

Nodame Cantabile - in queue.
Walk My Way - in queue.
Moto Kare - in queue.
Umizaru - in queue.
Top Caster - in queue. waiting for English subtitle.
Shomuni Final - Hardly downloading, might be dropped.
Shota No Sushi - Hardly downloading, might be dropped.
Ace Wo Narae - already started.
To Kill A Mockingbird - already finished downloaded but still not watching.
The Stand - special request from housemate. Based on Stephen King's novel.

Okies. Later i added new series i watched, downloaded or have some interest in it. until then, enjoy browsing thru my current list. :)

Johari Vs Nohari

Credit to rearrange a.k.a adek for this thingy. I had learn this in PRS I course in UTP. Nice to know yourself much in depth and view yourself from others. Help me to evaluate myself. TQ.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=vlkscode

The Johari Window

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=vlkscode

The Nohari Window

I don't mind what you choose. so, be frank and show me how you percieve me. Please put some comment on how could i improve myself. I'm a rotten spirit.

Stucked Between Everything

She said, "you'll winding up alone."

I guess, the more i watching House MD, the more resemblance or similarity i get caught up with House. Having frown face, barely knew new people, cold hearted, socially flushed away. I barely spending my time knowing new people, or let people know bout me, i'm self-centred, enjoying things i love doing, hanging out with same old fren, i guess i pretty much winding up alone like House.

I dunno why i'm being like this. i guess i don't have much belief in human being. for people i rarely know, for people i just get used to, i pretty much keeping myself from them. i'm afraid by saying out loud to people i barely know, they'll get offended. i can say clearly that most of my thought against normal people thought.

sometimes, i feel sorry for myself. sorry for being too self-centred, sorry for being pushing others away from my life. some people who trying to get into my circle of trust finding it's not that easy for me to reveal myself. i always get them confused, leaving them without any clue. i make my move based on my instinct. i do what i want to do, rarely thinking bout others outside my circle. i realize it's bad for me, bad for my future, bad for the relationship i really craving for, bad for my current relationship with frenz and family but i couldn't figured out how should i put myself.

i pretty much hate people as much as i hate myself.

Photo Editing

Currently, I been playing around with picture that i have. Just put some words, do some editing and everything seems ok for me. Here i have 2 sample of picture editing that i have done. I'm not a hardcore photo editor, neither a hardcore (not even newbie) of digital photo editing tools and software. My favorite tools for photo editing are:

1) ACDSee
2) Microsoft Paint

Here's some output from what i have done.



The Child In Me

Tools:
1) Microsoft Words with font Square721 BT
2) Microsoft Paint



Lonely.

Tools:
1) Olympus FE-190
2) ACDSee 5.0
3) Microsoft Paint

I want to learn bout photoshop, but seems my PC have some problem when running photoshop. it goes hanged once photoshop loaded. Anyway, The Child In Me's picture is my last desktop wallpaper before i change to Raja's Wing Wallpaper.

and..please ignore any grammartical mistake in The Child In Me's picture. I think the sentence already ok.